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GOOD MOURNING NEWS September,
October, November 2008
W. J. JONES & SON FAMILY CENTRE Email jonesfamilycenter@wjjonesandson.com
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GOOD MOURNING NEWS September,
October, November 2008
W. J. JONES & SON FAMILY CENTRE Email jonesfamilycenter@wjjonesandson.com
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E-mail Support: E-mail
Support: If
you have an e-mail address and would like to receive mailings from us by
e-mail send us your address by e-mailing Della at: jonesfamilycenter@w Also
if you would like one-on-one support call us at 691-4715 to make an
appointment to meet with Della Ferguson
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Greetings: This
Fall Newsletter is being sent to you with our sincerest best
wishes for your healing on this Grief Journey that you find yourself on.
We want you to know that we are here for you to walk this path...just a
phone call away for we believe that no one should ever have to walk this
path alone. In
preparation for this new fall season, I did a lot of reading to rejuvenate my
soul. One of my "summer reads" was a book named, The Angels
of Morgan Hill by Donna VanLiere... and within it's pages I found a
quote which really touched my heart...for in this quote is the heart of our
work here at Jones Family Centre. I'd like to share it with you. It
reads: Addy
remembered her Mama's words to her from years gone by, "They'll be
times when you'll be hot and tired and nearly dead, and nobody will even offer
you a cup of cold water...but some will, and they'll offer just enough to keep
you's runnin'. They won't be a lot of peoples along the way, but they'll
be some and yo Mama will always be one of them.'" Addy
paused and smiled. 'I love hot mornings now because they always remind
me of my mama." Fran looked into the grove of pine trees.
"Miz Fran," Addy said, “I don't know nothing about the
race you're running. All I know is that if you want I'll be one of
them people who'll give you a cup of cold water." Fran
looked down at the dust covering her shoes and clacked her feet together.
"I might need a great, big pitcher of water.' "Then
I'll just keep my well full." Addy leaned on her knees. "One
day you'll look back and wonder how you ever made it through-how you ever got
to the other side....but you did. We always do." The
well is full here. Please know that we're here to offer you a
"cup of water" in the form of our listening ear...our
resources...our support groups... our care and our understanding. ___________________________________________________________________ After
the Initial Stage of Grieving Coping
Activities 1.
If you're not
a to-do-list person, try cultivating this practice. Grief is invasive and a
time gobbler. It is also a mind blotter. These conditions can cause you to
miss important appointments or events. When you plan your day in the morning,
(or better yet, in the evening before you go to bed,) you are more likely to
be where you need to be and do what must be done. 2.
Carry a
keepsake or a small personal item that belonged to your loved one. Keep it
near in a pocket or purse. A tangible memento can be of comfort and can help
you connect with your loved one. 3.
Don't try to
avoid the things the deceased enjoyed or loved. If these make tears spring
from your eyes, accept that and go on. Tears are very cathartic. 4.
Exercise is
good for you and can be especially beneficial when you are grieving. You may
be unmotivated to add exercise to your routine, but even a quick walk improves
your mood. And a better mood is worth a little inconvenience. 5.
Read.
Anything. Some people enjoy history, science-fiction or mysteries as escapes.
Read whatever catches your attention and consider books that transport you to
a different time and place. 6.
Focus on the
good you did on behalf of your loved one. Don't do the 'should have done' or
'could have done' mantra. 7.
Do not
isolate yourself. Plan to do one thing every day; even something small counts.
If you haven't seen anyone in 2 weeks because you can't bear the encounter,
consider grief counselling to get you over this bump in the road. 8.
On the other
hand, do you make the mistake of 'over-booking', trying to fill every moment
of every day? This may work as distraction for awhile, but you need to plan
time for reflection, rest and grief work. You need to care for yourself first. 9.
Use nature as
a tool for comfort. Enjoy the outdoors. Do you have flowers to plant or weed?
Is it time to notice the colors of autumn? Do you hide inside in winter? Be
brave. Dress warmly and go visit the winter. Exploring the glittery snowflakes
and icicles are worth the effort. 10.
Record or
tape recollections of favourite stories, old memories and memorable
conversations. Listen when you feel alone. 11. Write a hymn, poem or tribute to your loved one. Keep it private or share it with a few friends or family. Remember it's the meaning that counts. No teacher is grading your creative work. |
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What's New in the Resource Library THE
FIVE SECRETS YOU MUST DISCOVER BEFORE YOU DIE This
book takes the reader on a heart warming and profound journey to
find lasting happiness. John
Izzo interviewed over 200 people, ages 60 – 106, each of whom
was identified by friends and acquaintances as “the one person
they knew who had found happiness and meaning.”
From town barbers to Holocaust survivors, from aboriginal
chiefs to CEOs, these people had over 18,000 years of life
experience between them. He
asked them questions like, What brought you the greatest joy?
What do you wish you had learned sooner”. What ultimately
mattered and what didn’t? Here
Izzo shares their stories-funny, moving, and thought-provoking-and
the Five Secrets he learned from listening to them. Here
are just a sampling of the thought provoking questions Izzo poses
to help US find happiness and meaning in life: “What
step would I take in my life right now if I were acting with
courage, not fear? What
might I do differently right now if I were living from the
perspective of an old person on the porch looking back at my life? How
am I responding to the setbacks of my life right now?
Am I stepping forward or retreating? Did
I take every pleasure that was available to me today/this week
(really smell the flowers), and did I walk through my life or just
run? Author: John Izzo Ph.D. In
the Wake of Suicide "Suicide
robs us of everything we take for granted about our lives and the
people we love. The most painful lesson of suicide is that each of
us has the choice of living or dying every moment of our lives. It
is a choice that most of us are never even really aware of unless
we are somehow touched by suicide—whether our own thoughts of it
or the suicide of someone we love." In
the Wake of Suicide is a collection of stories as told to the
author by survivors of suicides by friends, spouses, parents,
children, and lovers. Alexander follows their stories from the
immediate reaction to the death, through the mid portions of their
grief, and looking back from a few years distance. Alexander, who
lost a parent by suicide, captures the essence of the
burden survivors must bear and presents a well-written analysis
of the grieving process and the long road to acceptance. She
refers to three phases: suicide, grief, and storytelling. Alexander
creates a compelling argument for an increase in support groups
and counselling to assist individuals who are lost in the
aftermath of suicide. The
grief after suicide differs from that of a normal death. The path
from shock and denial to acceptance is one of twists and turns,
more unpredictable, erratic at times, and longer and more
difficult to follow. Alexander makes some good points about the
grieving process, post suicide and the end of the book contains
some excellent resources. CHILDREN'S
LIBRARY The
Tenth Good Thing About Barney Because
the life cycle of animals is so short, it's usually the first
death a child experiences. Fortunately,
there are good children's books to help in many difficult
situations. This book is the story of a small boy who is trying to
understand and recover from his cat's death. “My
cat Barney died this Friday. I was very sad. My mother said we
could have a funeral for him, and I should think of ten good
things about Barney so I could tell them... But
the small boy who loved Barney can only think of nine. Later,
while talking with his father, he discovers the tenth -- and
begins to understand.” The
author is honest and authentic in her approach. Author: Judith Viorst Drop in and
visit our Resource Library just drop it off in the
mail slot at __________________________________________ LOOKING
AHEAD Journey to Hope WalkSupporting
Suicide Awareness & Prevention
Saturday September
13th,
2008 12:00
Noon-1:00pm: Registration 1:00
- 1:30: Opening Ceremony 1:30
- 2:30: Walk 2:30
- 3:00: Closing Ceremony HOPE
to
those who feel hopeless by sharing resiliency information
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THE STAGES OF GRIEF The
work of grief cannot be hurried. It takes a great deal of time,
usually a year or more. It may be the purest pain you have ever known.
The
following are stages of grief that are commonly experienced after a
loss. You may not experience all of these, and you may not experience
them in this order. It is important to realize, however, that what you
are feeling is natural and that, with time, you will heal. Shock - Some people
experience shock after a loss, saying things like "I feel
numb" and displaying no tears or emotions. Sometimes there is
denial. Gradually the bereaved become aware of what has happened, and
they are able to express their emotions. Other people never go through
a prolonged stage of shock. They are able to express emotions
immediately. Emotional Release - At
some point a person begins to feel and to hurt. It is very important
not to suppress your feelings. Suppressed feelings often surface at a
later time in unhealthy ways. Shared feelings are a gift, and bring a
closeness to all involved. Preoccupation with the Deceased or the Crisis - Despite
efforts to think of other things, a grieving person may find it
difficult to shift his/her mind from thoughts about the deceased
person. This is not unusual and, with time, should not be a problem. Symptoms of Some Physical and Emotional Distress These
distresses may come in waves. The most common physical distresses are:
§ Sleeplessness § Tightness in the throat § A choking feeling §
Shortness of breath §
Deep sighing §
An empty hollow feeling in the stomach §
Lack of muscular power ("It's almost impossible to climb
stairs" or "everything I
lift seems heavy") §
Digestive symptoms and poor appetite Closely
associated with the physical distresses may be certain emotional
alterations, the most common of which are: §
A slight sense of unreality §
Feelings of emotional distance from people - that no one really
cares or understands §
Sometimes people appear shadowy or very small §
Sometimes there are feelings of panic, thoughts of
self-destruction, or the desire to run away or "chuck it
all" These
emotional disturbances can cause many people to feel they are
approaching insanity, but these feelings are actually quite normal. Hostile
Reactions - You may catch yourself responding
with a great deal of anger to situations that previously would not
have bothered you. The feelings can be surprising and very
uncomfortable. They often make people feel that they are going crazy.
Anger can be directed at the doctor, the nurse, God, sometimes even at
your loved one who died. Often,
there may be feelings of hurt or hostility toward family members who
do not or, for various reasons cannot, provide the emotional support
the grieving person may have expected from them. Anger and hostility
are normal. Do not suppress your anger. However, it is important that
you understand and direct your anger towards what you are really angry
at, namely the loss of someone you loved. Guilt-There
is almost always some sense of guilt in grief. The bereaved think of
the many things they felt they could have done, but didn't. They
accuse themselves of negligence. These hurts pop up in grief. Guilt is
normal and should pass with time. Depression
-Many grieving people feel total despair,
unbearable loneliness and hopelessness; nothing seems worthwhile.
These feelings may be even more intense for those who live alone or
who have little family. These feelings are normal and should also pass
with time. Withdrawal-The
grieving person often tends to withdraw from social relationships.
Their daily routines are often disrupted as well. Life seems like a
bad dream. This is normal and will take some effort to overcome, but
the rewards are worthwhile. Resolution
and Readjustment-This comes
gradually. The memories are still there, the love is still there, but
the wound begins to heal. You begin to get on with life. It's hard to
believe now, but you will feel better. By experiencing deep emotion
and accepting it, you will grow warmth, depth, understanding and
wisdom. Center
for Grief & Healing
SUPPORT
GROUPS UPDATE All w. j. jones & son family centre 262
Athabasca St.e. COMMON GROUND Grief Support Group for Women who have
experienced Tuesday Mornings for 5 weeks Sessions September 9th: Grief: What to Expect September 16th: The Many Emotions of Grief September 22nd: Grief Work September 29th:Developing A New Self-Identity October 7th: Reorganization Please
call: 691-4715 to register Everyone is Welcome Pregnancy & Infant Loss Grief Support
for those who have experienced Pregnancy or Infant Loss 1st Wednesday of Each Month Everyone is Welcome HOPE Grief Support for All Bereaved 2nd
Wednesday of Each Month 7:30pm
- 9:00pm Sessions Begin September 10th Topic for September 10th: Coping with Grief Topic for October 8th: Coping with Guilt Topic for November 12th: Coping with Loneliness December
4th: Mourning Star Service Everyone is Welcome
BEREAVED PARENTS Grief Support for Parents who have experienced 3rd
Wednesday of Each Month 7:30
pm -9:00 pm. Sessions Begin September 17th Topic for September 17th: Understanding our Emotions Topic for October 15th: Understanding What We Lose Topic for November 19th: Reliving Our Memories December
4th: Mourning Star Service December
7th:
World Wide Candlelighting for Bereaved
Parents Everyone is Welcome SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE Grief Support for those who have experienced Loved One to Suicide 4th
Wednesday of Each Month 7:30pm
- 9:00pm. Topic for September 24th: Coping with Grief Topic for October 22nd: Coping with Guilt Topic for November 26th: Coping with Loneliness December 4th: Mourning Star Service Everyone is Welcome Sat.
Nov. 22 @ 10 AM to Noon National
Survivors of Suicide Video Conference |
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Grieving Coping Activities 1.
If you're not a to-do-list person, try cultivating this
practice. Grief is invasive and a time gobbler. It is also a mind blotter.
These conditions can cause you to miss important appointments or events.
When you plan your day in 2. Carry a keepsake or a small personal item that belonged to your loved one. Keep it near in a pocket or purse. A tangible memento can be of comfort and can help you connect with your loved one. (I carried my grandmother's 'lucky' buckeye for a year before I put it safely away. By that time I had polished a permanent sheen on it.) 3.
Don't try to avoid the
things the
deceased enjoyed or loved. If 4. Exercise is good for you and can be especially beneficial when you are grieving. You may be unmotivated to add exercise to your routine, but even a quick walk improves your mood. And a better mood is worth a little inconvenience. 5. Read. Anything. Some people enjoy history, science-fiction or mysteries as escapes. Read whatever catches your attention and consider books that transport you to a different time and place. 6.
Focus on 7.
Do not isolate yourself. Plan to do one thing every day;
even something small counts. If you haven't seen anyone in 2 weeks because
you can't bear 8.
On the o 9.
Use nature as a tool for comfort. Enjoy the outdoors. Do you have flowers to plant or weed? Is it time to notice 10. Record or tape recollections of favorite stories, old memories and memorable conversations. Listen when you feel alone. 11.
Write a hymn, poem or tribute to your loved one. Keep it
private or share it with a few friends or family. Remember it's Grief Work Projects 1. Plant something as a living memorial. Such as a tree, flowering shrub or perennial flower garden. If you plant near your home, you have the option of visiting often. 2. Begin a daily routine of grief-writing. Write for a predetermined time - perhaps begin with 15 minutes and work your way up to 30 minutes. Just spill whatever you're thinking onto the paper. 3. Try doing constructive, mind-numbing household chores if you need to express difficult emotions. Clean your kitchen cupboards, organize your home filing system, or vacuum your carpets. 4. Sometimes you may feel the need to express strong emotions with physical fervor. Bang on the piano; or drum and let the strong rhythm transport you to a place where all emotions are allowed; scribble with crayons or smear finger paints; tear paper, one page at a time. 5. Begin to collect information and outline the life of your loved one. You can do this with the facts you know, or go more and more in depth using multiple contributors. This can be a very healing project for all involved. Children especially get benefit by sharing their stories and seeing them in print. 6.
When you buy books or visit your local library, get a book
or two on grief and recovery. Or choose a true story of an author's grief
after their loved one's death. Often you will empathize with
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"Links"
to Support you Below
you will find listed sites from the Internet that we have found
helpful in grief support of all types of bereavement. We believe you
will be able to find some helpful material when you browse these
sites. www.griefhealing.com |
